Funnies Terry Pratchett Quotes


If you are a fan of the Discworld, you will definitely enjoy this read. We made sure to collect a bunch of quotes by Sir Terry Pratchett. Even though he’s long past now, we will forever remember an perpetuate his legacy.

For us, Sir Terry Pratchett was one of the most influential figures of the 21st century and it was a painful wrench to see him go, so long before his time and from a disease so disassociated with his own metier.

He’s now passed away, but we will forever remember him through his works. Here’s some of the highlights:


“One of the minor laws of the narrative universe is that any homely featured man who has, for some reason, to disguise himself as a woman will apparently become attractive to some otherwise perfectly sane men with. As the ancient scrolls say, hilarious results.”


“He had in fact been raised to be a Fool, a man whose job it was to caper and tell jokes and have custard poured down his trousers. This had naturally given him a grave and solemn approach to life and a grim determination never to laugh at anything ever again, especially in the presence of custard.”


“The Librarian, an ape of simple but firmly-held tastes, considered an episode with custard pies, buckets of whitewash and especially that bit when someone takes someone else’s hat off, fills it with something oozy, and replaces it on the deadpan head, while the orchestra plays ‘WHAH … whah … whah … whaaa …’ to be an absolutely essential part of any theatrical performance”


“Sometimes you laugh because you’ve got no more room for crying.  Sometimes you laugh because table manners on a beach are funny.  And sometimes you laugh because you’re alive, when you really shouldn’t be.”


“It is a universal fact that any innocent comment made by any recently-married young member of any workforce is an instant trigger for coarse merriment among his or her older and more cynical colleagues.”


“The Reader had a theory that all the really good books in any building – at least, all the really funny ones* – gravitate to a pile in the privy but no one ever has time to read all of them, or even knows how they came to be there. His research was causing extreme constipation and a queue outside the door every morning.

*The ones with cartoons about cows and dogs.  And captions like: ‘As soon as he saw the duck, Elmer knew it was going to be a bad day.'”


“No clowns were funny.  That was the whole purpose of a clown.  People laughed at clowns, but only out of nervousness.  The point of clowns was that, after watching them, anything else that happened seemed enjoyable.  It was nice to know there was someone worse off than you.  Someone had to be the butt of the world.”


“There are no delusions for the dead. Dying is like waking up after a really good party, when you have one or two seconds of innocent freedom before you recollect all the things you did last night which seemed so logical and hilarious at the time, and then you remember the really amazing thing you did with a lampshade and two balloons, which had them in stitches, and now realize you’re going to have to look at lot of people in the eye today and you’re sober now and so are they but you can both remember.”


“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”


“The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.”


“If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn’t as cynical as real life.”


“If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you’ll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy.”


“Chaos is found in greatest abundance wherever order is being sought. It always defeats order, because it is better organized.”


“If you don’t turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else’s story.”


“The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who think they’ve found it.”